After our son was born, sleep became one of our biggest challenges.
We didn’t get him to sleep through the night until he was almost a year old — and even then, he would still wake up.
Desperate for rest, we tried everything: videos, nurse and doctor advice, gentle rocking, every “reasonable” method we could find.
The Cry It Out method came up a lot. It’s a popular sleep training technique where you place your baby in the cot, leave the room, and allow them to cry for increasing periods before offering comfort, with the goal that they eventually soothe themselves to sleep.
At first, it sounded promising — specialists recommended it, and as exhausted parents, you really do get to the point where you’ll try almost anything.
Our Experience with Cry It Out
Even while I watched the videos and listened to the explanations, something inside me felt off.
The idea of leaving Gabriel alone to cry — even for a few minutes — just didn’t sit right with me.
I remember the first time we tried it.
We gave him his milk, burped him, tucked him into his cot. I stayed by his side for a few minutes, holding his hand and comforting him. Then, following the instructions, I left the room.
As soon as I stepped out, he cried.
Not a small, sleepy protest — a heart-wrenching, desperate cry.
.
My husband and I sat on the sofa, staring at each other. We tried to distract ourselves, tried to “stick to the plan.” But I don’t remember which one of us said it first — “I can’t do this.”
I rushed back into the room, picked him up, and comforted him until he fell asleep.
We tried again a few more times over the next week, both of us taking turns.
Every time, it felt awful. Every time, it felt wrong.
Eventually, we both agreed to stop.
Looking back now, stopping was the best decision we made.
Our instincts — the ones telling us “our baby needs us” — were louder than any expert advice.
Why Cry It Out Felt Wrong for Us
I completely understand that sleep specialists have far more research and experience than I do.
But no one knows my child like I do, and like every mum knows their baby.
At six months old, Gabriel couldn’t tell me with words that he was scared, uncomfortable, or lonely.
Crying was his voice — his only way to say “I need you.”
If I ignored that voice night after night, especially during the long, vulnerable hours of the night, I felt like I would be sending the message that his feelings didn’t matter — at least not when it came to sleep.
For me, it’s just logical:
If my husband came to me and said, “Mariana, it really hurts me when you doubt my decisions because it makes me feel like you don’t believe in me,” and I ignored him — over time, he would stop telling me.
The same goes for our children.
If their cries go unanswered long enough, they learn that their emotions aren’t worth expressing.
A year or so after trying the method, my husband showed me a documentary filmed in a Russian orphanage, (I don’t remember the name and was unable to find it where there were around a hundred babies in a giant space… and not a single one was crying.
Why? Because they had learned that no one would come, no matter how hard they cried.
Of course, I’m not saying that doing Cry It Out will turn your baby into an emotionless child — but the story stayed with me, and it confirmed what my heart had been feeling all along.
What Worked for Us Instead
During Gabriel’s first year, we were going through a tough time as we were living in a new country and waiting for our home to be built which was having endless delays. We felt a lot of pressure and probably he picked it up from us too. In the middle of all that, sleep training felt like yet another battle we couldn’t handle harshly.
Instead of Cry It Out, we kept choosing presence:
- Rocking him.
- Staying with him until he felt safe.
- Picking him up when he needed comfort.
- Reminding ourselves: this phase won’t last forever.
And slowly, over time, he started sleeping better — without us needing to “train” him by leaving him alone.
Every Family, Every Child is Different
I’ve spoken with other mums who, like me, couldn’t continue with Cry It Out.
I’ve also spoken with mums for whom this method worked beautifully and gave them (and their babies) much-needed sleep.
And that’s the point: There’s no one-size-fits-all.
If you’re struggling with sleep right now, I believe you have every right to try different methods and see what feels right for you — and for your baby.
Listen to your instincts.
If something doesn’t sit right with you, even if “everyone” says it works — it’s okay to say no.
You are the expert on your child.
You know their cries, their needs, their heart.
Trust that.
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