So… having a baby changes your life — completely.
It changes how you look (even though everyone tells you how great you look 🙄), how you feel about yourself, how much time you have for the things you love, and even how you show up in your relationships. You are a mother now. You’ve been a friend, daughter, wife, girlfriend — but never a mother. And that title comes with a whole new level of responsibility… one no one truly prepares you for. Even if you’ve read every parenting book out there and completed postnatal courses, nothing compares to the real deal.
Who Am I Now? 🤔
With all this change, a big question naturally came up for me: Who am I now?
I couldn’t go out with my friends anymore because I had a baby to look after. And even when I had people willing to help, I didn’t want to leave the house. I just wasn’t me anymore.
For me, this identity crisis hit hard after my husband went back to work and Gabriel was about a month old. I remember one hot summer morning, sitting on the sofa breastfeeding him and feeling so… different.
From Energised to Exhausted 😴
Before Gabriel came into our lives, I was a very energetic woman. I loved going outside for long walks, working out at the gym or doing little home workouts. My home was always tidy and I genuinely felt good in my skin. I felt like I was always put together.
But now? I sat there, looking at the mess in the kitchen and around me, feeling fat and ugly. I hadn’t showered yet — and I hate that, because a fresh shower used to be the first thing I did every morning. The idea of going for a walk felt so so exhausting and all in all I just felt like a big, fat mess.
And I’m not saying this to be mean to myself — I’m just naming the feeling.
Losing Control — And Losing Myself 💔
It felt like my life had changed overnight and I no longer had control over anything — and I’m someone who usually needs to be in control of everything. I felt like I had lost myself. I didn’t know who I was anymore, and that made me sad. Really sad.
I missed who I was before. I liked her. And now? I didn’t like who I’d become.
Keeping Quiet (When You Really Shouldn’t) 🤫
I struggled to open up about this. I didn’t really share it with my husband, family or close friends. I felt like I should just suck it up. Every woman goes through this, right? So I convinced myself that this was just how it is now and I just needed to get on with it.
And in some ways, that’s true.
The woman I was before couldn’t stay the same — because everything around me had shifted. But when you’re so tired and emotions are all over the place — whether it’s baby blues or just the intensity of this life change — it’s hard to process that and to do something about it.
The Call That Changed Something 📞
One night after my husband came home, I was so low and needed to take some sort of action. So, I reached out to my therapist and said, “I need a session.” She was the only person I felt I wouldn’t be bothering because she would be paid to do this. I told her I’d have to bring Gabriel to the call because I had no one to watch him and I thought that this would be ok.
In response , she was gentle but firm. She said she’d absolutely have the session when it worked best for me — but the condition was that I join alone. She could feel like I needed the time and also some space just for me.
The call really helped. I poured my heart and tears out and talked about how I could feel more like “me” again. After the call, I created a very basic gym and eating routine that didn’t feel like a it would take too much effort and that I could stick to. And — this one’s big — I decided to go blonde. I’ve always been a natural brunette, but going blonde was something I’d always wanted. I was just too afraid of the change. But now was the time to make a bold change and go a little crazy. I wanted to feel attractive, to feel better, and to do something just for me.
If You’re Feeling This Way Too… 🫂
Please speak to someone who you feel comfortable with. Someone who will really listen and hold space for you to feel and share, and to just be yourself without judgement.
Or message me — seriously. We can have a call. You are not alone, and you don’t have to go through this alone.
Or…. if you don’t want to talk, here’s an exercise I wish I knew back then 📝
Whenever I feel really overwhelmed or sad, I do the following exercise:
📝 Get a piece of paper and write down everything you’re feeling. Don’t worry about grammar or spelling or making your writing look good or readable. Your first grade teacher doesn’t need to see this. Just let it out! Cry if you need to. Feel all the emotions and don’t feel ashamed of them. Own them. They’re yours.
🌟 Then, write down all your wishes. What do you want? What do you miss? Don’t filter or structure it — just write.
✨ Finally, note a couple of small things you can do to feel a little better — just small things, nothing big or overwhelming that will make it feel like another chore. Make it simple and exciting — as it can be… For example, if you don’t like how your body feels, try a quick postpartum workout once your doctor gives you the go-ahead — even 10–20 minutes, 3–4 times a week. Something light, something manageable. It helps. It really does.
You Are Becoming Someone New — And That’s Not a Bad Thing 💅
Your life has changed since you became a mum. And naturally, so will your identity and how you see or feel about yourself. Trying to force yourself to be who you were before can add more stress.
Instead, accept the change. Give yourself permission to rediscover who you are now — what makes you feel good, what lights you up. Rebuild, gently. Rebuild with love and don’t put pressure on yourself.
Even if it feels like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel right now…better days are coming. Sooner than you think. ❤️