Let’s talk about something that crosses most of our minds as mums—how much attention is too much?
If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably wondered if you’re being too soft… or maybe too strict. Especially if you were raised in a culture that preached the dangers of “spoiling” a child by giving them too much love or affection. I come from that kind of background too, where love often had limits, and affection was sometimes measured and reserved.
But now, as a mum, I’ve come to learn—there’s a big difference between spoiling and showing love.
What Is Real Attention?
Real attention is being present. It’s when we get down on their level, look them in the eyes, and truly listen. It’s hugging them when they’re upset—even if we’re saying no. It’s being there, not just physically, but emotionally too.
Not just nodding while scrolling your phone (we’ve all been there), or answering half-heartedly while folding laundry. Real attention means turning toward them fully and saying, “I’m here. I see you. I hear you.”
A Little Story From Our Home
Let me tell you about a moment I recently had with my son. I came back from a work trip with a little Kinder chocolate heart—nothing major, just a sweet treat. He lit up when he saw it. His joy was real and raw. I gave him half and told him we’d save the rest for later.
Well, he didn’t take that very well. He sobbed—big, heavy, disappointed sobs and started throwing a tantrum. And my first reaction? Frustration. “Come on, it’s just chocolate! Don’t be spoiled!”
But then I stopped and tried to really think of what he’s feeling right now and what he needs from me. And I realized—it wasn’t just about the chocolate. It was about the excitement, the moment, the joy of something special being taken away. Haven’t we all felt that way before?
So instead of snapping, I picked him up and gave him the biggest hug I could. I held him while he cried. And once those tears were out, he was able to handle the disappointment. He didn’t get the other half of the chocolate—but he got something better: comfort, love, and understanding.
What Spoiling Really Looks Like
Spoiling isn’t hugs. It’s not cuddling them when they’re sad or listening when they’re upset. Spoiling is removing all boundaries.
Like letting them eat wherever they want, all the time. Or never expecting them to tidy up their toys. Spoiling is giving in every single time just to avoid a meltdown.
But loving them with boundaries? That’s where the magic happens. You can hold them while saying no. You can explain why you’re sticking to a rule, while still acknowledging how disappointed they feel.
We want our kids to grow into kind, respectful, and emotionally aware adults. That doesn’t happen from being cold or distant—it happens through warm connection and consistent guidance.
From One Mama to Another
If no one’s told you today: You’re doing an amazing job. Balancing work, housework, emotional needs, school runs, and everything in between is no joke. We live in a time where the expectations on mums are sky-high, and the support can often feel too low.
So yes—love your kids wildly. Hug them when they cry. Sit with them in their sadness. But also hold your ground. Teach them boundaries with gentleness and consistency.
Think about how you want to be treated after a rough day. You don’t want someone to say “suck it up.” You want someone to say, “That sucks. I’m here for you.” Your child wants the same.
So, dear mama—give all the attention. Just remember to pair it with steady boundaries, and you’ll raise a child who feels loved, seen, and strong.