There are a few books that quietly change the way you parent and not because they tell you what to do, but because they help you understand yourself. âThe Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did)â by Philippa Perry for me was one of those books.
I picked it up during a rough patch when I was overwhelmed, exhausted, and constantly wondering: Am I doing this right? What I found wasnât a rulebook for parenting. Instead, it felt like a kind and wise friend speaking a language I understood, and gently helping me look inward.đ
Here are the key things I took away from this beautiful bookâ and why I think you should give it a go:
đ 1. Your Feelings Matter, And So Do Theirs
One of the first and most important takeaways for me was that we canât help our children regulate their emotions unless we learn to regulate our own. If weâre constantly hiding how we feel or brushing over emotions like sadness, anger, or frustration â we teach our kids to do the same.
What the book showed me is that itâs okay to be human in front of our children. If youâre having a hard day, you can say, âMummy is feeling sad because of an argument I had at work today.â Youâre not burdening them â youâre modelling emotional honesty and resilience.
This was such a relief for me to read and it made so much sense! I remember when I was little, I would always ask my mum what was wrong when she was upset. She’d always say that she was okay and nothing was happening. It made me feel just more worried and preoccupied for her. It also made me doubt my own intuition.
đ€ 2. Connection Over Correction
Thereâs a part in the book where the author talks about how kids donât act out to be ânaughtyâ â theyâre often trying to communicate a need. This is something I took and I’m trying with my son.
When Gabriel throws a tantrum before bedtime or refuses to eat what I made, I try to pause and ask: Whatâs going on underneath? Is he feeling powerless? Tired? Overstimulated?
Taking the time to understand what might be going on for himârather than jumping straight to disciplineâhas been a total game changer. That said, Iâll be honest: itâs not always easy. Especially after a long day, my impulse to react kicks in fast. (Youâll see this even more clearly in the next point. âșïž)
đ± 3. Your Past Isnât A Life Sentence
This part really struck a chord, and it probably will for you too. The book gently invites you to reflect on how you were parented â not to point fingers, but to become aware of what patterns you may be unconsciously repeating. And trust me, we all do this. By default.
Maybe you werenât allowed to cry. Or maybe you had to âbe goodâ all the time to feel loved. The book helped me realise that breaking generational patterns starts with awareness, not guilt.
Itâs about saying, âI see this. I understand where it came from. And I want to do things differently.â
đ¶ 4. Repair Matters More Than Perfection
Thereâs so much pressure to get parenting right. But what this book really reminded me is that rupture is inevitable â what matters is repair.
If you lose your temper, shout, or say something you regret â itâs not the end. You can go back, apologise, reconnect. That repair builds trust and shows our children how to own mistakes and rebuild relationships.
I canât tell you how comforting it was to read that.
đŹ Final Thoughts
This isnât a preachy book. Itâs not packed with charts and routines and âperfect parentâ checklists. Itâs thoughtful, gentle, and full of warmth. It feels more like a loving conversation â one that gives you space to reflect and grow.
The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read reminded me that parenting isnât about getting it all right â itâs about being real, being connected, and most of all, being present.
If you’re a mum looking for a book that helps you feel seen, encouraged, and inspired â this is the one.
I would recommend this book for anyone who is about to become a parent and for parents who want to improve their relationship with their little ones, to better understand and connect with them.
Happy reading