I’ll be honest with you — my birth experience was not the one I imagined. It was tough. I was diagnosed with Covid-19 the day before my induction, and because of that, I had to go through labour completely alone. No husband. No familiar faces. Just me, isolated in a room, where sometimes the nurses barely checked in. It was long, it was painful, and it was incredibly lonely.
But you know what? This post isn’t about my trauma. It’s about what I learned through it — and how I hope it can help you, especially if you’re reading this in the final days before meeting your baby. 🥹
The Best Advice I Got Before Labour
A close friend — a new mum herself — gave me the most amazing piece of advice right before my own labour. She said:
“Maria, don’t listen to anyone about how it’s supposed to be. Just make it your own.”
That stuck with me because in the end, no two birth stories are the same. We all go through something unique, and your labour will be yours — no one else’s. Your emotions, your strength, your choices — they are enough.
Be Careful What You Take In
Right after I had my baby, another friend was preparing to give birth — to twins. When she asked me what it was like, I found myself starting to spill every painful, lonely, awful detail. As I was sharing my experience, I could see the look on her husband’s face change — pure fear. That moment stopped me in my tracks. I realised that instead of helping, I was projecting my trauma onto someone who was still on the edge of this brand-new, life-changing experience.
Later, I came across a beautiful idea in the book “The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read” by Philippa Perry. It explained how after birth, one of the ways women get over the negative experience of their birth is by venting out and sharing this, especially when asked for advice. This might be healing for the person venting, but for someone that hasn’t gone through it, this rarely helps. If anything, it can fill them with anxiety and dread.
So here’s my advice:
For the mums to be: When you’re about to go into labour, be mindful of what you’re consuming — stories, advice, videos, podcasts. Choose the ones that empower and calm you.
For the mums asked for advice: When a friend asks about your experience and how they can prepare for the birth try to think of what would have helped and empowered you before your birth and share that with her! She will thank you for it 🫶
Who You Have Around You Matters
Even though I couldn’t have my husband with me physically, I stayed connected with him on the phone for hours. I spoke to my mum, my friends— people who poured love, strength, and light into me. This made a world of difference.
Labour is not the time to be around anyone who drains your energy or makes you second-guess yourself. Be unapologetic about this. It’s not rude — it’s protecting your peace.
If someone is bringing unnecessary stress or negativity, you have every right to say, kindly but firmly, “I need to be in my own space right now.” It’s your moment. Own it.
When one of my sisters in law was screaming during a contraction and I was staring at her she screamed at me, “Maria, stop looking at me!” At the time, I felt a little hurt — I was young and clueless. But now? I get it. In that moment, she didn’t want eyes on her — she needed space to breathe, focus, and be raw without judgment. And every woman deserves that space.
The Birth Room: Your Choice, Your Rules
Whether it’s your partner, your mum, a doula, or no one at all — you get to decide who’s in that room. If you want to be alone, explain that lovingly. If your husband is your rock, make sure you’ve talked through how they can best support you — even if it means sitting silently and holding your hand.
For me, it was heartbreaking that my husband wasn’t allowed in, but he stayed in the hospital parking lot the entire time. Knowing he was just outside gave me strength.
Final Thoughts for the Mama-to-Be
You’re about to walk through fire and emerge as someone new — a mother. No matter how your labour goes — medicated or unmedicated, natural or assisted, peaceful or chaotic — it doesn’t define your strength. You are already strong. You are already enough. 💪
So take a deep breath. Let go of the noise. Tune into your body, your instincts, and your heart. Choose peace. Choose calm.
And remember:
This is your story. No one gets to write it but you and at the end of it, you will get to finally meet the beautiful human that has been growing inside of you!🌻